Learn the Art of True Gift Giving and Give Yourself the Greatest Gift

I remember a few years back I was complaining to my sister about a gift that I gave someone. I was complaining that the person did not appreciate the gift, they were not taking care of it, and thus was feeling disrespected by that person.

My sister casually and calmly told me that I had not given a gift… she explained that I had given conditions, expectations, which ultimately just meant that I was giving TO GET! She went on to casually and nicely say that this is not giving, in fact it is very far from giving and more than anything I was just being selfish.

Well I can tell you that at the time I thought she was just speaking crazy talk. I mean I had spent good money, which took precious time out of my life to give something to someone else…. I was not about to let her tell me that it was selfish to give a gift… but sadly for me it was… I was being selfish and it was not the first or the last time a gift was given for selfish or self-fulfilling reasons!

Can you think of a time that you got a gift that felt more like a chore then a gift? I am sure we all can, the book with the obligation to read, the picture that we feel needs to be hung somewhere, the blank we feel we need to blank, etc. Now think about how you felt about this, was it good, probably not….. yeah it was a nice gesture, but just remember how you felt deep down, that feeling of resistance or discomfort. Now think about your gift giving, do you really want to give gifts that bring others frustration and obligation?

Now if you can relate with feelings that you have had regarding gifts and just not wanting to do that to others, this is the first step in becoming a great gift giver. However, the next step is to realize how YOU have felt regarding gift giving. How many times have you given a gift and thought, wow they did not appreciate that, or they are not using it, or they don’t even care about it and got rid of it? Well this is an example of giving with expectations, and as far as expectations are concerned it is always unfair to have expectations and not share those expectation with the other party or person.

So to learn the Art of gift giving does it mean that you have to give without expectations, well no not necessarily. However, if there are expectations they need to be expressed and the other party needs to have the ability to either accept the gift with the expectations, or decline without feeling guilty. So if there are no expectations, which is something that many of us need to really evaluate, then what can you expect from the receiver of the gift, simple, NOTHING! If you have something that you want to give to someone then that is the extent of it, you offer it up, do your part, and then you are done! If you need a big to do about the gift, if you need a thank you card, if you need anything back then you need to realize that you are not truly giving.

Like I said, this is something that I need to always think about and be conscious of, and sometimes it does not come easy. However, this seemingly simple thing, learning what it means to really give a gift, has brought many positive side effects into my life. For one it is easier to be happy with those around me because what they do or don’t do with the gifts I give does not affect me. I have learned that the real gift giving brings more joy then any thing else and that real gift giving cannot be tarnished by others, it is mine to keep and cherish no matter what anyone else does or does not do.

Lastly, learning the art of gift giving makes it much easier to do what you WANT to do with gifts that have been given to you, which removes a great deal of stress. Now that I understand gift giving it feels easy to get rid of things I don’t want, to do what I want with the things I keep, etc. This is easy because now when it comes to receiving gifts I hold others to the same gift standards as I try to use myself. I see every gift that has been given to me without expectations as just that, a gift, to which I can do whatever makes me happy.

Examples of expectation gift giving:

• Have you worn that sweater I got you yet?
• Are you going to go to that restaurant I got you the gift card for?
• Did you read that book that I got you, what did you think about the blank part?
• I hope you enjoyed your gift, I can’t wait for my birthday now?
• Wow, that gift is going to be hard to top!
• Did you tell your co-workers about why I sent the flowers?
• Etc, etc…

Learning the art of gift giving provides the giver with joy that cannot be tarnished and teaches the ability to do what you want with gifts that have been given to you, which can help to remove clutter and stress from your life.

Do you have any examples of gifts you have given with expectations or conditions? Have you been given gifts that had conditions or expectations that you did not like? Has anyone ever got mad at you for something you did or did not do with a gift? Leave a comment about it!