Money, the last taboo

Thinking or talking about Money is never just about Money. Money has a way of bringing out the absolute best and absolute worst in people. Money has a way of slithering into every facets of our lives and affects our ego, our feelings, our thoughts and our relationships. I have often read that money is the number one reason for couple separations, above sex, above kids, above religion, everything! I have witnessed first hand throughout my whole life, that it is the one topic sure to make people uneasy. I grew up in quite possibly one of the most progressive and liberal families ever, but there was always one thing you did not talk about directly, and that was money.

I have heard that Money is the one religion we all belong to, and instead of going to service once a week we go every single day and it is on our minds 24/7. This sounds crazy, but it is so true. Even some of the most enlightened and the most spiritual among us have been guided more by money then any religious or spiritual teachings. Furthermore, even our religious establishments are just that, establishments, that like the rest bow to one thing before all else, money.

Speaking of religion it is known that scripture has plenty to say about wealth, poverty, making money, giving it away, what is virtuous about having money, and also how love of it can be our downfall. It has been said that one-sixth of Jesus’ words recounted in is the Gospels address money with only the Kingdom of God being a more popular topic. However, how often do we discuss our financial situations with our spiritual leaders with our friends and family? Just based on some recent conversations, I have been shocked to learn about the intimate and difficult conversations that are openly discussed at many churches, which sounds great and healthy, however I have not heard about a single conversations regarding people’s finances, debt or bankruptcy. I am sure it happens, but to what extent compared to everything else.

Because of all the emotions and issued tied into money it is no wonder it is the last taboo. If you think about it I am sure you can recall more conversations you have had about sex, politics and morals with your friends then money. Have you ever wondered how much money your friends make, how much debt they have, how they spend their money, how much their mortgage is, what their plans and goals regarding money are? I would guess that you have, but I would also guess that you have never asked, or at least not directly.

So what is the problem with Money being taboo? The problem is that we all deal with money, we all work to make money, we all need money, but we can’t talk about it. When we can’t talk about something openly then it becomes the unknown and the unknown represents FEAR and living in fear is not healthy and not productive. Furthermore, when we can’t discuss it then it becomes us standing alone against the world and whenever we feel like “I” instead of “We” or “Us” we feel isolated, alone, even terrified. Something to realize is that business wants us to stay in fear, they want us to not understand or be comfortable with money, it makes it easier for them to convince us to hand it over to them, which we do. We give them every penny we have now and thousands of dollars we don’t even have yet, we get in debt and live our lives giving away what we work so hard for.

I propose, like a few others, to talk about Money openly. However, it is nearly impossible for this without understanding what it means to us. So we need to take a moment and determine what it means to us, and try and realize that it most likely means something different to those around us. What does it mean to have money, how would you feel about having no money, how would you feel about having millions? These feelings and thoughts about money can have a huge effect on how you relate with friends, family and partner. Furthermore, we need to look at money as more than a sum total equation. The more money your neighbor has does not mean that there is that much less for you. Just realizing this simple fact can make it easier to help others, share, and possibly even more important, be able to ask for help! Money needs to be deflated down to what it actually is, currency… everything else is just our feelings and thoughts about it. Lastly we need to determine what we want that needs money, why we want it, and take time to evaluate if that matches our internal desire for peace and happiness.

I plan to have more posts soon that talk about what money means to me, what I want that requires money and my new focus on having more time to do the things I want versus just having “things”.